One of the greatest enemies of "Romanticism," which is the state or quality of being romantic, is time. Time goes by and shiny object syndrome begins to go away (at least with one object). This is glaringly true for the husband and wife relationship. After that honeymoon period of what people say lasts a year, maybe two (for my wife and over a decade) wears off, and the relationship becomes common, romanticism dies. It dies at the worst time, when children are born, and they need to see a healthy romantic relationship to model their future relationship after!
So, how does the father's romantic relationship with his wife affect the children's future relationships? The quality of the parent's relationship has an acute impact on the development of the children's future relationships. Children see and model; it is part of their learning and development process. They will model what they know in their father's romantic relationship with his wife, which will become either a single-minded devotion to one individual with mutual affection and adoration or a divided interest to many people where they give themselves to whoever makes them feel good. The father's single-minded devotion to his wife, with a romantic flame, will be what the sons emulate and the daughters seek.
What a fun topic! Keep reading for five daily tips (especially tip 5) on reviving romanticism in your relationship and keeping it alive!
Reviving Romanticism: The Father's Romantic Pursuit and the Children's Future Relationships
My wife once owned a book entitled "Romanticising the Ordinary." In our opinion, it wasn't a good book (which is why she "once had" it), but the title stuck with me. Time makes all things become ordinary. The shine of that new car or home or job or relationship eventually begins to fade. This will happen unless you change your mindset about it and begin to invest, making it better than before.
There isn't a big or lasting consequence of this happening with 'things' in this world (other than your bank account may be smaller), but there is a lasting consequence to your marriage becoming common! A study from the National Health Institute, titled, Early Family Experience Affects Later Romantic Relationships, says,
"Young adults who were raised in a healthy family are more likely to have a healthy romantic relationship."
They found the health of the family unit matters when it comes to the future romantic relationships of the children (now grown up). This study doesn't touch on the romantic side of the relationship; yet, I have not seen a healthy relationship between father and mother that does not keep the romantic flame alive.
As men, we must commit ourselves to romanticizing the ordinary. Thus, making the ordinary -- EXTRAORDINARY! Being a father who demonstrates a single-minded devotion to his wife, lit with a romantic flame, becoming what our sons emulate and our daughters seek.
For more on this topic see: The Father and His Wife and The Father Factor.
Five Daily Tips to Revive Romanticism
Start and finish your day with your wife. This doesn't mean you have to wake up at the same time, though I encourage you to try to wake up and go to bed together. Begin and end each day by choosing to make your relationship with your wife the most valuable earthly possession.
Touch! This is a big one, especially for most women. We enjoy physical touch as a couple early on in our marriage, but it eventually fades. Make a point to hold your wife's hand often, hug often, kiss often, and snuggle often. I have heard that the six-second kiss and the twenty-second hug release oxytocin; try it! It has also been suggested to spend twenty minutes each day snuggling without any barriers between you (that means skin-to-skin 😊).
Leave notes for one another to find throughout the day. Buy some index cards in bulk and write little notes or phrases for one another to find. My wife and I use the word SHMILEY (not original to us), which stands for See How Much I Love You. We leave it all over the place, even on the toilet paper roll.
Communicate often, but not always, for business or serious purposes. Call her to say I love you. Message her to say, "You're my gir!" Go find her just to tell her that shes the best thing that ever happened to you. Whatever you do, verbally communicate your affections often throughout the day.
Have sex! Yes, I said it, and yes, you are correct that this is number five on a list of "daily" tips to revive romanticism with your wife. Men make the big mistake of communicating sex as a "physical need" to their wives. Thus causing the woman's maternal instinct to say, "I have to fulfill that need." This is NOT a romantic relationship! Show your wife that you WANT her by your consistent actions. She "needs" to be "wanted!"
Conclusion
Fathers have a crucial role in how their children relate to the world. In the case of this post, the fathers play a large role in shaping their children's future romantic life. Sons will act like their fathers, and daughters will look to marry someone like their father. How far are you currently in your journey as a father from being the one you want your sons to emulate and your daughters to marry? That's a big question with enormous consequences! How much will your current state of fatherhood cost your family in the long run?
Related Questions
How do father-daughter relationships affect future relationships? The father's investment in their daughters certainly helps them form an understanding of healthy or unhealthy relationships. A healthy father-daughter relationship will influence what is seen as acceptable and unacceptable in future relationships. The father who has their daughter's heart through a healthy relationship will easily keep it until it is time to give her away in marriage. Likewise, the father who doesn't have their daughter's heart will find that his daughter will consistently chase after anyone who will give her time and affection.
How does a relationship with parents affect future relationships? The parent-child (especially at early ages) relationship demonstrates what future relationships should look like. It forms the children's understanding of how they are to relate to others. The parent-child relationship also determines how much the child will seek to be valued elsewhere. Children want to be valued; either they will be valued by their parents and demonstrated in a loving and respectful relationship, or they will seek to be valued in other ways (you don't want this to happen).
How does your relationship with your father affect your romantic relationships? Your relationship with your father will either cause you to be cautious in who you give your heart to or flippant in who you give your heart to. If your father values you and pursues your heart, then this positive relationship will give you security and comfort and cause you to be cautious about who you choose to enter a romantic relationship with. But if your father doesn't demonstrate he cares for and values you, you will end up chasing after any romantic fling that gives you temporary worth, which is very damaging.
Commentaires