The role of the father in the typical American household has been usurped. Typically, the father's influence, importance, and authority have been taken away from him. This has happened because of a multitude of factors, yet we can do something about it.
So, what's the biblical role of the father? The biblical role of the father is headship, instruction, and discipline. Headship is the position or status of the father in the home, and it means that the father is the leader and chief (Ephesians 5:21-33; Colossians 3:18-19; 1 Peter 3:1-7; and Titus 2:5). This is NOT authority given to the father to be abused, it is authority and respect given to use in service towards the family. The father's role is also one of instruction and discipline (Proverbs 1:8; 22:6; Ephesians 6:4).
With such a highly contested subject and one of great importance, it behooves us to take a deeper look into these things!
The Biblical Role of the Father
Headship
The idea of male headship in today's culture has been attacked. I won't concern myself with what others in the world believe about this, nor am I concerned about what some professing Christians believe about this subject. My concern is, what does God have to say about this subject?
From the very beginning, the family system that God put into place was that of male headship. After God created man, God said,
"It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make hime a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18
The woman was made for man and to be man's helpmate. Now, I must clarify lest I lose some at this point. This does not mean that a woman is a man's servant! For she is his helper and was taken from his side, not his backside (Genesis 2:22-23). Meaning that man and woman are to walk alongside one another in their God-given roles.
This may become clearer as we look to the fall of man. In Genesis 3, we see the record of this fall. It tells us that the serpent deceived Eve, and Adam stood behind Eve the whole time (Genesis 3:1-6). Adam, at any point in time, could have stepped forward and said something like, "Get behind me, satan" (Mark 8:33), but he didn't.
Instead, he also ate the fruit of the tree that God forbade him to eat, and sin came into the world. The question must be asked, "Who does God hold responsible for the fall of man?" Eve ate it first. Shouldn't she take the blame for the fall of man? Maybe...but she doesn't.
"Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned." Romans 5:12
"Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over thoses who had not sinned in the likeness of the offense of Adam." Romans 5:14
To answer the question correctly, Adam was blamed for the fall of man. Why? Because he is the head of the household and thereby assumes responsibility for all that transpires in his household. Adam failed to lead his wife correctly and biblically, and now the world is paying for it.
The family unit is paying for it. What do I mean? Let's look at the curse of the family relationship:
To the woman He said, "I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth, in pain you will bring forth children; yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." Genesis 3:16, bold added
The language here does not say that the woman's desire is for the person who is her husband. It is a curse because of her part in the fall of mankind. This communicates that the woman desires a position of headship in the home.
Headship in the home is what she is after. She wants to rule over her husband, but instead, he will rule over her. This is seen in this Text and Paul's words in Ephesians 5:22-30 and observed in nature. The source of calamity in a relationship is when men fail to lead and cherish the wife and women fail to honor and submit to the husband.
This is supposed to be a post about the role of the Father, so why are you talking about the headship of the male in marriage? Good question; I am glad you asked. I must first speak about marriage because godly offspring will only come from a biblical marriage (Malachai 2:13-15).
The headship of the husband over the wife is a picture of Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:32). Thus, if the children are to see this beautiful picture and learn how the church is to submit to Christ as the head, then fathers must exercise headship over the wife—not only the wife but also the children.
I submit here that the measure of submission and respect the wife gives to the husband will, in turn, be given by the children to the father. Thus, the wives play a significant role here (and in many other areas) in the training of the children. The children are to respect, honor, and obey their fathers as the father exercises headship over the home.
This is a big responsibility and one that is not to be abused. This is why Paul tells fathers twice not to provoke the children or exasperate the children lest they lose heart (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21). Headship is NOT a license to abuse authority. It is a gift from God to be exercised tenderly, mercifully, and in all humility as God graciously treats us!
Instruction
The father's role with the children is one of instruction. Instruction carries the weight of direction and order. If you bought a piece of unassembled furniture from the store, it would most likely come with an instruction manual and specific tools to get the job done. (The tools they give are often terrible; it's better to use your own if you have them.)
The point of the instruction manual is to give direction and order to the assembly of the furniture. Many times in my life, I have bypassed the given instructions, puffing up my chest and saying, 'This isn't difficult.' I discovered the hard way that there is an order to the assembly, and if you go out of order, then the furniture will not work properly.
If you haven't done this, I applaud you for your wisdom. But I suggest you try it so you can at least understand my illustration!
The point is that the father is to be the instructor of the family unit, the one who brings direction and order. Not according to his own wisdom—that is folly—but according to THE BOOK of INSTRUCTION, the Bible. The biblical father brings order and direction to his family through the guidance in the Scriptures.
He leads his family to worship God!
This role of instruction is so important to God that it is one of the characteristics of an elder of the local church:
"He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?)" 1 Timothy 3:4-5
Here's the point of this: an elder is a mature believer who has oversight over the local church. We are all to grow in maturity. Thus, this is a model picture of what every man should be in their household—one who brings instruction, order, and direction.
Instruction is to be spoken, modeled and heard.
"Hear, my son, your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching; indeed, they are a graceful wreath to your head and ornament about your neck." Proverbs 1:8-9
The father, as the head, is to instruct the children in their daily lives, giving them the tools that they need to know God and to survive in this world. This is a big task, but so often, it is incomplete at best and mostly neglected. I am here to say that it is not the school's job to do this, nor is it the church's job. It is the father's job to instruct their children.
You may say, 'Well, I'm too busy.' To you, I say, get your priorities straight. Outside of God, your family is your first priority and outside of the blessing of your wife, your children are your greatest blessing. Treat them as such. As the head of the house, I urge you to lead your home in both direction and order.
Direction to faith in Christ and discipline to walk in His ways!
Discipline
Many times when people hear the word 'discipline' they think of correction. In some cases they would be right, one sense of this word does mean correction. However, there is another sense of this word which I believe is encapsulated in the word "train." Not a 'choo, choo, train,' but creating the discipline of a soldier, hard-working farmer, or athlete. That sort of training.
Creating good habits—habits that will set the family and children up for success in this life, habits that will lead them to the knowledge of God and to the newness of life! This training of a child, spoken of in Proverbs 22:6, is training that leads to a disciplined lifestyle.
"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4
The father MUST be the one to teach the children about God. About who He is, what He has done, what He will do, and what He requires of us. This is the Great Commission, "Go...make disciples...teach them to observe all that I commanded you" (Matthew 28:19-20).
It must start in the home and work out from there. If you aren't faithful in making disciples of your household first, what makes you think you will be faithful in making disciples in the world? You won't! It will all catch up with you in time.
Yes, this is a big and impossible task for a man to do. We have so many responsibilities and burdens. The truth is that fathers cannot do this; make disciples of their families and their children. He can't do it ALONE. But he isn't alone,
"and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Matthew 28:20
The One who can do it promises to be with us in this task—making disciples and disciplining our families and the world. This is a powerful promise that shouldn't be overlooked. The One who has created all things and holds all things together, Jesus Christ, is with us in our roles as fathers.
If we would only humble ourselves and set ourselves to this great task assigned to us, we would see mighty things done by the Lord in our families, churches, and to the ends of the earth.
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